Ramblings from a crisis

TW: Suicide, death, ableism, school

 

I’m thinking a lot about death these days. One moment I’m scared that my heart and the rest of my body is failing me, then suddenly I fee like this life can’t be ended fast enough and maybe I’ll have to end it myself.

I can’t end  my life, because I have to save my kid. But I can’t do much for my kid, I’m trying but it’s not enough.

I feel like I’m a burden to my partner, because my partner needs to focus on finding a school that won’t harm my autistic kid.

Sorry, this isn’t much of a post. This is just a bunch of desperate thoughts, because I can’t take this hell for much longer and no matter how hard we try, it’s not enough. Being an autistic kid who learns easily but are harmed from an allistic culture means there are no accessible schools.

As usual, I really don’t want any advice. If you comment or email me telling me what to do I’ll block you. I’m not writing this because I think anybody can solve anything for me, I’m writing this because my thoughts are too heavy to stay in my head.

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2 thoughts on “Ramblings from a crisis

  1. Don’t worry, I have no advice, I just wanted to send my love for what it’s worth. You sound like you’re at the end of your tether. School is shit for autistic kids (my son’s autistic), it’s just not the right environment for them. I know my son is capable of so much more if they followed his lead and worked with him, rather than trying to squash him into a mould causing unnecessary stress.

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