“I’m mourning growing up without knowing I’m autistic, but at some point it will change. It won’t be like this forever.”
The other day something rare happened. I talked to my partner and for once, we managed to have an honest conversation about somthing else than how to deal with a lot of practical stuff and worry about the future for our child. That brief moment of honesty and understanding did something to me and I heard myself say the quote above.
It was a relief to say it and realize that this energy consuming grief is something that will pass. Because I think it will. I’ll probably always be sad that I didn’t get a fair chance to understand myself until I hit 30-something, but there’s a good chance that it will turn into a sorrow that’s easier to live with. It won’t be a fulltime mourning for the rest of my life.